Interesting

I took the first step. I emailed him. I have emailed him once a week for the last month or so. He has responded to every email I have sent.

I saw him this weekend. It is funny though I did not crave his attention. I use to crave his attention and would want to be the center of his day but not anymore. I don't get butterflies in my stomach any more. It was great to see him. But of course, just as I was leaving he started to talk to me a little more since no one was around and it was the first time I looked in his eyes all weekend. There is something wrong. I could see it in his eyes. I don't know what, but it is there. Hopefully, I will find out soon.

7 months almost!

It has almost been 7 months since my last post. Like I said then the thoughts slowly went away. Sure there are things that trigger memories but nothing more then that. I hadn't heard his voice for almost a year if not more and last week when I did I had no feelings. It use to be that when I would hear his voice on the voicemail it would trigger butterflies in my stomach. But nothing last week.

This week is a different story though it seems the memories are constantly there and the random thoughts are there as well. I haven't seen him and I really wish we could have some time together alone. I really would like to hash everything out, either lay the ground rules on contact or say our goodbyes. It really does make it hard that I never got the chance to say goodbye.

Change of Perspective

It is funny how you hear someone say something and your mind takes off and your whole perspective changes. That is what happened with me last week. I was half paying attention to a conversation that co-workers were having around me, occasionally I was involved, but for the most part I was just listening. There was a couple of comments made about someone and my whole perspective changed. I no longer think of him on a daily basis, sure songs and conversations will trigger memories, but for the most part he just isn't there. I just think differently of him now.

Nothing!

It has gotten easier over the months to stop thinking about him; but there are moments throughout the day that something will occur and he will pop into my mind. A song will come on the radio, I will see something that triggers a memory, or I see the pictures on their facebook. I hate it. I told myself that I was done. I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much, and it hurt a lot this time. I need to let it go and I have been doing pretty good about it. The other day was my husband's birthday and not even a phone call from him. I was pissed. I can't believe that he would miss my husband's birthday. I keep thinking that I need to send him an email, and let him know no matter what, that was unacceptable. I didn't I refrained from sending the email, but I really wanted to. I really want to know what is going through his brain as to why he just quit. Some day I am sure I will find out but for now, NOTHING!

No regrets!