Brain space...

I hold on to things and I can't sleep at night or thoughts consume my day to day activities. I needed a place to put thoughts about this one thing to get them off my mind. I need to feel like I am getting rid of it. It will be a best seller someday but for now I need a space to contain the information.

This post will be about the thing that consumes most of my thoughts daily. I can't shake it. Usually I am good about putting it out of my mind but this one I just can't.

I miss our time together. I miss hearing him almost everyday. I miss his voice. I miss the random messages I would get that only him and I would know the meaning too. I miss sending him random messages that only he would know the meaning too. I miss being a part of his life.

I sent a text message for his birthday and got a very short response. I hate when he does that. I know it is just him, he is not big on email, or text message. He barely knows how to work his cell phone, its just the way he is. I can't call not to just talk.

I use to see him once, twice, even three or four times a week. I talked to him at least once a week. Now nothing. I can't stand it.

I think I just realized what happened...oh this is gonna be hard to get him back.

We were super close just recently and I was loving it. I really felt good about where things were going. Usually I push away or he does at some point but not this time. I wanted this more than anything, and from his reactions I thought he did too. He started to have problems sleeping, having anxiety attacks at night. I talked to him about them and it seems that things were starting to pile up on him and one of those things was us. He had to do something and he dropped the one thing that he thought was expendable...me. Uuugh, if that isn't a heart breaker I don't know what is. I rarely have contact with him anymore, and I think he isn't sure how to fix the problem. I don't know what to do. Usually I am good about staying away when he needs it but I am not sure how to respond to this one. He pushed me away and I am afraid he is doing his best not to look back.